I. Am. Retired.

This is it. End of shift last July 23, 2025. I. Am. Retired.

I waited one month to write this post. I took the time to reflect on this moment, which I have been waiting for since I stepped on American soil 42 years ago. I needed to savor the significance of this career milestone: being suddenly freed from the rigors of waking up early, sitting in traffic, driving through icy roads, and having to hold my tongue to maintain peace. I wanted to sit in the space of reflection, to marinate the concept of retirement in my mind, and to drink in the wonderment that finally the time has come to hang up my lab coat.

Two years ago, my friends opted for early retirement, often enticing me with pictures of their travels, but I was not ready to let go. My work gave me a sense of purpose (aside from my family). My work friends filled my head with compliments about my guidance and mentorship, and my students’ feedback was both satisfying and encouraging; they even urged me to post on TikTok, especially when I used the analogy of dysfunctional romantic relationships to teach heart blocks.

Frankly, the thought of retirement scared me. “How will I spend my day? Would I lose my mind with boredom? Would my muscles weaken from non-activity? Would my brain cells shrivel up for lack of mental stimulation?”

The epiphany that it was time for retirement sneaked up on me. I was feeling energized after a vacation in the Philippines, and I realized that I wanted to travel the world more than I ever did. My college classmates, most of them retired, regaled me with their travel stories. For our 45^th anniversary since graduation in 1980, the BSN class of Arellano University College of Nursing was preparing to have our reunion in Norway.

I was also mesmerized by some painting vlogs on Instagram. My Facebook algorithms shifted to drawings and instructions on acrylics, watercolor, and gouache mediums. I realized that I wanted to pursue my long-dormant artistic side. My Renaissance area beckons me.

Retirement is a milestone, a gift, a blessing that is often denied to others. It is taking control of my narrative and choosing how to live my life, when, what, and how at my leisure. 

 

Bookends of my professional life

In January 1983, I was young, naïve, and eager. Fresh from my stint with the Philippine National Red Cross, I embarked on my nursing career in New York City with stars in my eyes and dreams in my heart. I was ready to conquer the nursing world.

I made a meme of my younger self as I stood on the grounds of Roosevelt Island looking toward Manhattan, “Someday, you will retire. And you will know that you were a bad-ass nurse who cared for her patients and her colleagues.”

After working at Coler Memorial Hospital, I began my career in Emergency Nursing at Elmhurst Hospital Center, Maimonides Medical Center, Mount Sinai Morningside, and then St. John’s Hospital. I must be a glutton for punishment, or maybe an adrenaline-junkie. Perhaps I needed to channel my nervous energy into the high-stakes patient care. Life was never dull, never placid, never predictable. The word “Quiet” jinxes everything, and whoever uttered that word would be ostracized for the rest of the shift.

I have many stories to share, some of which were featured in two memoirs that I published. What a journey it has been. I am humbled by the opportunity to care for all the patients that I met and to work with strong, gracious, and compassionate colleagues along the way.

Before I officially retired, the staff at St. John’s Episcopal Hospital threw me a surprise party. The Nursing Professional Development educators organized a celebration attended by nursing leadership and staff from various units. It was my special "Lollipop moment". A “lollipop moment” is when someone said something or did something that fundamentally made your life better.

As I walked down the colorful path, each person handed me a lollipop. In my classes, I have encouraged my students to remember the impact they have on their patients and coworkers. I also encouraged them to reach out to those special people who have made an impact on their lives, as introduced by Drew Dudley in his TED Talk, by giving them lollipops.

Imagine getting my lollipops and receiving notes of thanks from everyone. I love, love, love the Lollipop moment notes and the touching words from everyone. Priceless!

https://www.facebook.com/100000202167830/videos/pcb.25096204806636245/1276051227389132

 

Thank you for the memories

I am grateful for the experiences that have shaped me into the nurse I am today. I stumbled along the way, but through it all, I rose even stronger. No longer a fumbling neophyte, I am a confident nurse who knows I have succeeded on my terms. I don't define my success by other people's definitions. I am proud of how I have metamorphosed from a novice to an expert, mainly due to the lessons I have learned along the way.

As I rose from the ranks into leadership and educator positions, I stood on the shoulders of those who came before me, and in turn, I extended my support to those who came after me. As an ER nurse, I navigated the psychological landmines by focusing on the emotional rewards, which strengthened me, even through the pandemic's challenges.  I found my joy in nursing by being mindful and intentional in seeking those serotonin boosters and mood lifters. I fought burnout by acknowledging the impact and influence of nurses in the lives of our patients, even though we sometimes may not get the instant gratification and appreciation from them.

I am an unapologetically sentimental person, which I inherited from my father and passed on to my son. I treasure the memories and appreciate the messages and remembrances from my colleagues and the other staff nurses. Over the years, I have collected messages and emails from those who acknowledged my contributions. In moments of self-doubt, they reinforced my “Why”. 

Please indulge me when I include some of these kind words:

“As a novice educator, you took me under your wings and provided guidance, mentorship, and encouragement that I am so appreciative of.  Thank you for always providing a listening ear and giving constructive feedback that continues to guide my career.”

“I have been holding on to you tightly since I joined EHS, and you have welcomed me with open arms. I am honored to say that I have received guidance and support from THE Jocelyn Sese.”

“Your dedication to EHS has been instrumental in elevating our nursing care and fostering a positive shift in our culture. You've set a remarkable example for all nurse leaders to aspire to. Personally, your guidance has been a great source of validation for me, ensuring I'm on the right path.”

“I want you to know that I truly couldn’t have reached this milestone without the solid foundation I gained during our two weeks of didactic training with you. Today, I’m able to confidently speak the language of critical care, relying less on my usual hand gestures and more on solid clinical communication. I am living proof of the impact you’ve made on the next generation of nurses.”

Post-retirement Life

When someone asked me what the first thing I would do when I retire, I answered without hesitation that I would attend the solo concert of Jin of BTS in New Jersey. The Jin concert at the Prudential Center in New Jersey on July 31 is my gift to myself for retirement. Jin was excellent; he did not phone in his performance, but gave it his all, with bulging neck veins and exposed deltoids, too. Mr. WorldWide Handsome winked, smirked sexily, and blew us his trademark kiss. I am eagerly awaiting the reunion of the 7-member supergroup BTS for a concert next year.

Retirement checklist:

•    Attend our 45^th class reunion with my BSN group in Norway and a cruise (from August 24 through September 6)
•    Complete the “Art with Suzanne” online course, start painting, and explore the creative process
•    Travel more and write more travelogues.
•    Attend more music concerts and Broadway shows.
•    Swimming lessons so that I can snorkel and dive on my next vacation
•    Finish my BTS Lego set, continue crossword and jigsaw puzzles for my mental exercise
•    Write my third book
•    Write, write, write
•     Read, read, read
•    Consider other Social Media platforms and learn more about Artificial Intelligence tools.

 (Psst: I do have some teaching gigs waiting for me after my Norway vacation. Cannot just go cold turkey. Need to wean myself.)

 The Final Curtain

The final curtain has closed. As Frank Sinatra sang, “Regrets, I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do and saw it through without exception. I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway. And more, much more than this, I did it my way”.

What a journey it has been. I am proud to be a bad-ass nurse.

I am ready to live my best encore. Bring it on.

 

 

 

The Power of Nurses... and the Countdown to my Retirement

 

This week, from May 6 through May 12, we celebrate National Nurses Week, starting with Florence Nightingale's birthday.

The American Nurses Enterprise chose the theme “Power of the Nurses” to shine a much-deserved spotlight on nurses' impact and influence on healthcare, from the bedside to the boardroom, from novices to experts.

At the Blessing of the Hands ceremony, the nurses recited, “May our hands always bring healing. May they always be gentle. And may they always remember the power they hold—the power of a nurse.”

The hospital held a Super-Nurse Cape Competition as a fun activity. The cape is an iconic image symbolizing the compassion and caring of the nurses who served under rigorous conditions. It is a poignant reminder of our “super-hero” status during the height of the COVID-19 pandemic, but our powers never left. 

The power of our minds as we embrace new technologies, research, and evidence-based care.

The power of our vision as we promote professional growth, participate in the hospital’s strategic initiatives, and continue to make Nursing a loud and credible voice in healthcare programs.

The power of our hearts as we navigate nursing challenges through staffing issues and workplace violence, the power of our hearts to find our joy in the workplace, and the power of our hearts to put caring for our patients as our “why.”

The power of our hands as we healed and cared.

Our group of nursing educators from the Nursing Professional Development visited the different patient units with our Wellness cart filled with goodies (a variety of teas, granola bars, lip balms, pens, hand lotions, stress balls, lollipops, lavender sachets, and Skyflakes chocolate biscuits). A simple Thank You for a job well done. The smiles from the nurses, as they paused from their busy work, to engage with the educators: Priceless.

This Nursing Week is a turning point for me. A milestone of all milestones. It will be my last Nurses Week as an active-duty nurse. I have reduced my work hours for the past year and slowly inched forward to retirement. After 42 years as a nurse in the United States, I will retire this year at the end of July. Yes, 2025 will be, not next year. This is it.

It will be a great honor to join the ranks of those who retired to enjoy the fruits of their labor. I reflect on the great work of those who led the way, whose profound influence left an indelible mark on those they worked alongside. They touched many lives, dried many patients' tears (and their own), uplifted many hearts, celebrated their peers, endured the long hours, and overcame many challenges. They were powerful nurses; on their shoulders we stood and learned. 

A life spent in service is well-lived and blessed with immeasurable emotional rewards. Thank you to Paula, Cecil, Rosemary, Trish, and Avis for allowing me to use your pictures. They have many stories to share and precious memories to inspire. These ladies are legends in their own right, leaving a legacy of excellence through the years. 

Many more retired before me, and sadly, some who did not make it to retirement. I am humbled to have worked with them, from Coler Memorial Hospital, Elmhurst Hospital Center, Maimonides Medical Center, Mount Sinai Morningside, and St. John’s Hospital. 

It has been a wild ride. Promise, I will post more photos on my Retirement blog. What a journey it has been. My countdown begins.

 

 

Five Years Later: Surviving the Covid-19 War

Five years ago, on March 11, 2020, the World Health Organization officially declared COVID-19 a global pandemic. I remember the day as if it were only yesterday. The memories are vivid in my mind; the heartaches of losing friends and numerous patients leave an emotional scar in our hearts that will haunt us for the rest of our lives. The fear remains that another pandemic might come and change our world again.

I wrote this about my burnout:

At the beginning of April 2020, the Covid-19 pandemic burnt me out. 

I remember waking up in bed, physically drained from a fitful sleep and emotionally shattered by the friends and patients we lost. I debated calling out sick that morning because I dreaded hearing the frequent overhead pages for the code team. For the first time in my long nursing career, I was at a crossroads I never thought I could ever be at; I thought of quitting. I wanted to run as far away as I could, away from dying patients, away from the heartaches. But I could not abandon my staff, so I stayed resolute in fighting alongside my courageous staff in that dreadful war.

Five years later, I feel privileged to be part of the army of healthcare staff worldwide who battled the war. Today, I browsed through the photojournals that chronicled our fight. 

Yes, we survived. There was a light at the end of the tunnel. It was just taking one day at a time, putting one step ahead, until finally, the vaccine came, and later on, we finally took off our mask.  

I am not the only one remembering that day. The burnout and the PTSD that followed were real. 

Five years later, these are just distant memories for most. I know that for all the healthcare workers who struggled through the "war," it was an emotional and challenging process to move on to the new normal. May we all support each other as we learn from the past, and hopefully, we will not have to go through this again. I celebrate the resilience of these nurses and all those who continue to make a difference every day.

We are bruised but still standing.

Covid Diaries:

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