I. Am. Retired.

This is it. End of shift last July 23, 2025. I. Am. Retired.

I waited one month to write this post. I took the time to reflect on this moment, which I have been waiting for since I stepped on American soil 42 years ago. I needed to savor the significance of this career milestone: being suddenly freed from the rigors of waking up early, sitting in traffic, driving through icy roads, and having to hold my tongue to maintain peace. I wanted to sit in the space of reflection, to marinate the concept of retirement in my mind, and to drink in the wonderment that finally the time has come to hang up my lab coat.

Two years ago, my friends opted for early retirement, often enticing me with pictures of their travels, but I was not ready to let go. My work gave me a sense of purpose (aside from my family). My work friends filled my head with compliments about my guidance and mentorship, and my students’ feedback was both satisfying and encouraging; they even urged me to post on TikTok, especially when I used the analogy of dysfunctional romantic relationships to teach heart blocks.

Frankly, the thought of retirement scared me. “How will I spend my day? Would I lose my mind with boredom? Would my muscles weaken from non-activity? Would my brain cells shrivel up for lack of mental stimulation?”

The epiphany that it was time for retirement sneaked up on me. I was feeling energized after a vacation in the Philippines, and I realized that I wanted to travel the world more than I ever did. My college classmates, most of them retired, regaled me with their travel stories. For our 45^th anniversary since graduation in 1980, the BSN class of Arellano University College of Nursing was preparing to have our reunion in Norway.

I was also mesmerized by some painting vlogs on Instagram. My Facebook algorithms shifted to drawings and instructions on acrylics, watercolor, and gouache mediums. I realized that I wanted to pursue my long-dormant artistic side. My Renaissance area beckons me.

Retirement is a milestone, a gift, a blessing that is often denied to others. It is taking control of my narrative and choosing how to live my life, when, what, and how at my leisure. 

 

Bookends of my professional life

In January 1983, I was young, naïve, and eager. Fresh from my stint with the Philippine National Red Cross, I embarked on my nursing career in New York City with stars in my eyes and dreams in my heart. I was ready to conquer the nursing world.

I made a meme of my younger self as I stood on the grounds of Roosevelt Island looking toward Manhattan, “Someday, you will retire. And you will know that you were a bad-ass nurse who cared for her patients and her colleagues.”

After working at Coler Memorial Hospital, I began my career in Emergency Nursing at Elmhurst Hospital Center, Maimonides Medical Center, Mount Sinai Morningside, and then St. John’s Hospital. I must be a glutton for punishment, or maybe an adrenaline-junkie. Perhaps I needed to channel my nervous energy into the high-stakes patient care. Life was never dull, never placid, never predictable. The word “Quiet” jinxes everything, and whoever uttered that word would be ostracized for the rest of the shift.

I have many stories to share, some of which were featured in two memoirs that I published. What a journey it has been. I am humbled by the opportunity to care for all the patients that I met and to work with strong, gracious, and compassionate colleagues along the way.

Before I officially retired, the staff at St. John’s Episcopal Hospital threw me a surprise party. The Nursing Professional Development educators organized a celebration attended by nursing leadership and staff from various units. It was my special "Lollipop moment". A “lollipop moment” is when someone said something or did something that fundamentally made your life better.

As I walked down the colorful path, each person handed me a lollipop. In my classes, I have encouraged my students to remember the impact they have on their patients and coworkers. I also encouraged them to reach out to those special people who have made an impact on their lives, as introduced by Drew Dudley in his TED Talk, by giving them lollipops.

Imagine getting my lollipops and receiving notes of thanks from everyone. I love, love, love the Lollipop moment notes and the touching words from everyone. Priceless!

https://www.facebook.com/100000202167830/videos/pcb.25096204806636245/1276051227389132

 

Thank you for the memories

I am grateful for the experiences that have shaped me into the nurse I am today. I stumbled along the way, but through it all, I rose even stronger. No longer a fumbling neophyte, I am a confident nurse who knows I have succeeded on my terms. I don't define my success by other people's definitions. I am proud of how I have metamorphosed from a novice to an expert, mainly due to the lessons I have learned along the way.

As I rose from the ranks into leadership and educator positions, I stood on the shoulders of those who came before me, and in turn, I extended my support to those who came after me. As an ER nurse, I navigated the psychological landmines by focusing on the emotional rewards, which strengthened me, even through the pandemic's challenges.  I found my joy in nursing by being mindful and intentional in seeking those serotonin boosters and mood lifters. I fought burnout by acknowledging the impact and influence of nurses in the lives of our patients, even though we sometimes may not get the instant gratification and appreciation from them.

I am an unapologetically sentimental person, which I inherited from my father and passed on to my son. I treasure the memories and appreciate the messages and remembrances from my colleagues and the other staff nurses. Over the years, I have collected messages and emails from those who acknowledged my contributions. In moments of self-doubt, they reinforced my “Why”. 

Please indulge me when I include some of these kind words:

“As a novice educator, you took me under your wings and provided guidance, mentorship, and encouragement that I am so appreciative of.  Thank you for always providing a listening ear and giving constructive feedback that continues to guide my career.”

“I have been holding on to you tightly since I joined EHS, and you have welcomed me with open arms. I am honored to say that I have received guidance and support from THE Jocelyn Sese.”

“Your dedication to EHS has been instrumental in elevating our nursing care and fostering a positive shift in our culture. You've set a remarkable example for all nurse leaders to aspire to. Personally, your guidance has been a great source of validation for me, ensuring I'm on the right path.”

“I want you to know that I truly couldn’t have reached this milestone without the solid foundation I gained during our two weeks of didactic training with you. Today, I’m able to confidently speak the language of critical care, relying less on my usual hand gestures and more on solid clinical communication. I am living proof of the impact you’ve made on the next generation of nurses.”

Post-retirement Life

When someone asked me what the first thing I would do when I retire, I answered without hesitation that I would attend the solo concert of Jin of BTS in New Jersey. The Jin concert at the Prudential Center in New Jersey on July 31 is my gift to myself for retirement. Jin was excellent; he did not phone in his performance, but gave it his all, with bulging neck veins and exposed deltoids, too. Mr. WorldWide Handsome winked, smirked sexily, and blew us his trademark kiss. I am eagerly awaiting the reunion of the 7-member supergroup BTS for a concert next year.

Retirement checklist:

•    Attend our 45^th class reunion with my BSN group in Norway and a cruise (from August 24 through September 6)
•    Complete the “Art with Suzanne” online course, start painting, and explore the creative process
•    Travel more and write more travelogues.
•    Attend more music concerts and Broadway shows.
•    Swimming lessons so that I can snorkel and dive on my next vacation
•    Finish my BTS Lego set, continue crossword and jigsaw puzzles for my mental exercise
•    Write my third book
•    Write, write, write
•     Read, read, read
•    Consider other Social Media platforms and learn more about Artificial Intelligence tools.

 (Psst: I do have some teaching gigs waiting for me after my Norway vacation. Cannot just go cold turkey. Need to wean myself.)

 The Final Curtain

The final curtain has closed. As Frank Sinatra sang, “Regrets, I've had a few. But then again, too few to mention. I did what I had to do and saw it through without exception. I planned each charted course, each careful step along the byway. And more, much more than this, I did it my way”.

What a journey it has been. I am proud to be a bad-ass nurse.

I am ready to live my best encore. Bring it on.

 

 

 

Lollipop and Halo-halo Moments: Mindful and Intentional Self-care

 

It is not easy to be a nurse nowadays, not even for a staff nurse or a nurse leader. Amidst all these uncertainties, nurses struggle with the stressors of an increasingly demanding profession. Nurses hold the fabric of patient care in a stressful environment. What if the fabric is frayed at the edges? How can nurses take care of their patients when they need help themselves?

The job is emotionally exhausting, and we often try to continue caring for our patients to the point of burnout and, in some cases, clinical depression. We survived the Covid-19 pandemic four years ago, but it had an immense impact on our mental well-being. The statistics show a dire picture of post-traumatic stress disorder and suicides in the healthcare profession.

Mental Health and self-care

The American Academy of Nursing (AAN) Expert Panel issued their Consensus Statement in the spring of 2023 about the drivers of Nurse Suicide: the stigma associated with asking for and receiving treatment to support mental health, job-related stressors, and lack of access to mental health treatment.

The National Academy of Medicine suggested a bundled approach to sustaining a positive work environment, reducing the stigma for those seeking mental health care, and focusing on the mental well-being of healthcare workers.

On November 20-22, 2024, the 1199SEIU League of Registered Nurses held a nursing conference in Montego Bay, Jamaica, titled "Empathy in Action: Caring Beyond Ourselves and Honoring Self-care." I was honored to be one of the instructors. My topic was "Finding Your Joy by Finding Your Lollipop Moment."  It was a truly enriching experience to promote self-care and mental health to about 148 nurses who traveled to Jamaica. I dedicated my presentation to two of my former staff nurses who we lost to suicide.

Lollipop Moment

Although the topic was somber, it was uplifting as we discussed ways to find joy in our personal and professional lives. I encouraged the audience to share their "lollipop moment," which was originated by Drew Dudley, a dynamic leader, author, and inspirational TED Talk speaker. A “lollipop moment” is when someone said something or did something that fundamentally made your life better.

Nurses make a difference every day, but sometimes, they must be reminded about their lollipop moments. The nurses did not take long to share their proud moments of touching someone’s life, whether a patient or a fellow nurse. It was heartwarming when one participant thanked her mentor (who was also present) for her guidance and support during the COVID-19 pandemic.

One nurse approached me after the session to express how empowered and inspired she was. She acknowledged that she needed to hear all the instructors drive home the truth that nurses must place themselves at the forefront of mental health care.

Halo-halo moment

Then, I introduced my Halo-halo moment, when I pause and enjoy my comfort food, forget my A1C (blood test to diagnose Diabetes), and savor the incredible moment of finding joy in the simplest things. Halo-halo (“mix-mix”) is a popular cold dessert in the Philippines made up of crushed ice, evaporated milk, sweetened kidney beans, coconut strips, toasted rice, sago, leche flan, and ube ice cream. My son Jordan described it best.

 

Caring beyond ourselves

We also went to a local school to distribute book bags to grade-school children, who welcomed our group with shy smiles but were eager to hug anyone who opened their arms to them. The group of nurses also visited churches and a local hospital to conduct community teaching on kidney health, managing severe bleeding, and maternity child health.

 

Mindful and Intentional

We must be mindful and intentional as we seek our moments of joy to keep our mental well-being. We must maintain our focus on strengthening the morale of our nurses. We need to help and support each other.

The Jamaica trip was restorative and invigorating. There were singing, dancing, and laughter. There was healing.

The nurses enjoyed the amenities of the inclusive resort but also ventured out of the hotel to experience other attractions. As Bob Marley sang, "One Love, one heart. Let's get together and feel all right".