Finding my Joy in Nursing: Knowing my Whys

Life’s ebb and flow can sometimes sweep you into just going through the motion without the conscious enjoyment of living. The stress of work and personal lives can often leech out happiness in one or both worlds.

“Plan your joy”, Michelle Obama said. We need to care for ourselves and to take the time to invigorate and refresh ourselves. There needs to be a good work-life balance in order to survive physically, mentally, and emotionally. Self-care is being mindful of our needs so we can in turn care for others.

I actively and deliberately plan my joy outside work. Whether planning the itinerary for a vacation or just enjoying a no-stress-and-waking-up-late-week-end, I seek those things that give me comfort and happiness. Good books, funny movies, soothing music, food trips around Queens with my son and family, and indulging in my joy of writing. My guilty pleasures are to explore the things that make me uniquely interesting. Even just planning for a quiet time on my sofa with the dog snoring at my feet. There is a thoughtful consideration to enjoy my days off work in order to recharge myself. Last night, I attended a spiritual Holy Supper worship service; I am blessed.

Because I spend a lot of my wake time at work, I also plan my joy when I’m working in my hospital. Unfortunately, I have seen some co-workers who allowed their work to drain the joy in their lives and they end up burned-out and bitter, sometimes because they felt trapped in a job that no longer sustains them and sometimes because they are afraid to spread their wings and find an environment that gives them joy. I am luckier than most because I truly have enjoyed my nursing journey.

The emergency department itself can be chaotic and stressful. This is the nature of my work; there are sad times when some of our patients die but there is joy when we are able to give someone a second chance at life. In all my years of nursing, from my first job as a staff nurse at a chronic care hospital to my current role as director of nursing in a busy emergency department in Manhattan, I always make a conscious effort to enjoy these moments of joy. Being joyful is not being artificial and unrealistically pollyannaish. I would rather think of it as being Optimistic, not just a Value of the Month. It is just knowing that we can reframe our minds to find meaning and purpose and joy however stressful the work environment is.

As a nursing leader, I feel the responsibility to help my nurses re-discover the joy in their work. There are financial constraints in staffing, but there is always something to do to empower our nurses to enjoy their work, even if sometimes the trials to both body and spirit can be challenging. I would like my staff to feel that they belong that they are appreciated and that they matter. One day, a nurse stopped me to complain about the boarders in the ED, those patients take out their frustrations on the nurses because they were waiting for inpatient beds. I gently asked her if she is asking to transfer to another unit. As I actually expected, she burst out laughing and said, “Hahaha, I am just venting. I love my patients and I love my co-workers, Thanks for listening.”.

I celebrate the work of every healthcare person in the hospital. A single person can make a difference. At our leadership retreat, the testimony of a trauma survivor touched my heart. She was a pedestrian-struck patient who sustained multiple fractures and injuries. She recounted very candidly her ordeal back to recovery and gave thoughtful and honest suggestions on how we can make things better for the next patient. She was thankful for the many healthcare workers who made a difference in her care. She spoke about simple acts of kindness like the ice cream from a dietary aide and the shampoo that the trauma coordinator helped her with. She remembered the good, the bad, and the ugly, but she earnestly spoke of the things that lifted her heart.

I live for the unexpected Thank You. One elderly man thanked me for staying with his anxious wife while he parked the car. It was just a simple gesture, just a few minutes of my time. To this couple, this meant that the wife’s anxiety did not unravel into a full-blown panic attack. The elderly man didn't know that just a few minutes ago, I came from assisting in a cardiac arrest of a young man who succumbed to an overdose. The “thank yous” are our emotional rewards, Two simple words that gave me joy that day.

The comedian Michael Jr. explained, “When you know your ‘why’ then your ‘what’ has more impact because you’re working towards your purpose.” The man in the video discovered his WHY and sang Amazing Grace with his heart.

The author Simon Sinek wrote that "it is only when you understand your “why” (or your purpose) that you’ll be more capable of pursuing the things that give you fulfillment". A purpose-driven life clears your pathway and makes sense of your actions, therefore it is what gives you the reason to keep on going, to start waking up in the morning, and to stop the snooze button on the alarm clock. This happens when you find joy in your life.

My joy is in the numerous little ways that validate me as a nurse. The ways we make a difference strengthen me amidst the sadness and chaos; a reminder of why I am a nurse. The reason WHY I stay and keep on going is that it is indeed a blessing to be part of a service profession that gives patients more than just a second chance.

Moments like these give us joy in our work. Nurses appreciate the simple pleasures- a thank you from a patient or a colleague, a life saved, recognition for a job well done, and a chuckle shared with co-workers. I do not have to reflect long and hard to remember the joys in my nursing life. It is when you are successful in maintaining the right balance in your life. This is my “WHY”, my 'IKIGAI" or "my reason for being".

Ignorance and Bigotry

Readers, this past week, I heard of two ugly encounters in the emergency department. Two patients disrespected the nurses who were trying to help them because of the color of their skin. Sadly, this is nothing new. I wrote this letter about 15 years ago after a similar experience. Somehow, the hateful vitriol is further emboldened by xenophobic rhetoric from bullies and haters. I have always worked with an exemplary diverse staff who see patients as human beings. I stand proud as an American citizen and as a nurse, even as we face all these challenges with professionalism and decency. As the incredible First Lady of the United States Michelle Obama elegantly said, "When they go low, we go high".





Dear patient,

I wish I can erase that hatred in your heart, that xenophobic attitude against anyone who doesn’t look like you. You cursed at me and told me to “return to my country”, even as I was just trying to triage you. I swallowed the bile in my throat as you ranted about immigrants who stole your job. I have two college degrees, dear patient. Based on your incoherent and ungrammatical ramblings, I am pretty sure you could not perform my job.

I knew you were sick so I ignored your blatant racism. I allowed my orientee to interview you just so I can get enough information on why you have tachycardia and back pains. I did not call security to escort you out because I realized that you needed medical help, despite the obscene gestures. You are ignorant and a bigot, but you are my patient.

You don’t know that I was the one who recognized that you were dying. You even refused to be seen by our Asian ED doctor and the African-American resident. But then, you collapsed in front of us. You don’t know that I was the only one who could insert a good IV line in your fragile veins. Now that you are unconscious, you would never realize that the emergency team who took care of you was a diverse group, a multi-colored group of professionals. If you knew you were dying, would you have accepted our ministrations?

The rainbow of ethnicities in our emergency team did not divide us but instead united us in our efforts to serve the diverse community. Our team of doctors, nurses, and other ancillary staff did not care about the color of your skin. There was no question about your sexual orientation or political and religious affiliations. All we were concerned about was to race against time to save your life.

You are our patient. If you are conscious, we would not tolerate your disgusting behavior. But unfortunately, you are now intubated and brain-dead. So we have to be blind to your faults. We will not respond in kind to your ignorance and bigotry. Despite your evil thoughts, we will remain true to our sworn oath to take care of you, as we do with all our patients. I see you as a human being. No matter what.


Your Filipino-American nurse




P.S. You signed an Organ Donor Card. It is great that you did not state a preference for the recipients of your organs. I'm sorry that you would not be able to read this letter. I was hoping this would open your eyes and touch your heart.