My nurse-friend in Florida called me in tears. She was overwhelmed.
“I am tired. I am tired of seeing so many patients die. I see the fear in their eyes as they gasp for air, as they start calling for their loved ones. And I am helpless. The Covid patients keep coming.” she said with a sigh. The sound of exhaustion.
I remember back in April last year when I heard the same words from my nursing staff in the ED. New York was the epicenter then. I could only listen as they poured their hearts out. I was helpless as my nurses broke down in tears. These were strong nurses who’ve seen them all, but how could you remain stoic when patients die in horrifying numbers?
I swallowed my own fears because my staff needed me to
be strong for them. I could only offer
my shoulders to cry on. I could only listen.
I have referred many of my staff to psychologists. I gave
them some time off to unwind and be with their family and friends.
So that they can be healthy, physically, emotionally, and mentally. In these tough times, to survive, I actively sought my moments of joy.
Somehow, through our shared grief for those we lost, we
found the strength to keep moving on. The staff bonded over the feasts of donated
food. We enjoyed the 7pm clapping from our community and the firemen and the police.
We danced when a Covid-19 patient was discharged. We cheered when the Covid
numbers started to decrease.
Last December, I felt overjoyed when I received my first
dose of the Pfizer vaccine. I was hopeful that the end is in sight. I was
certain that every single person who went through the nightmarish pandemic
would embrace the vaccine as I did. I prayed that in a few months, I would
finally be able to travel and see my mom after two years.
But the promise of freedom from masks did not come. We are in the 4th surge of Covid and who knows how many more variants will there be? Here in New York, it is not as intense as it was last year, but other states are reporting of hospitals overwhelmed by sick patients, mostly unvaccinated.
I
cannot comprehend the resistance against the vaccines, I am frustrated that the
other countries around the world remain in the chokehold of this pandemic because
they do not get the vaccines that others have declined. I am heartbroken that
I have not seen my mother in two years.
Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is real among healthcare workers. Every sniffle, body ache, and headache cause concern. Fever and cough trigger anxiety attacks. The angst is a visceral reaction that conjures images of intubation. For a nurse who has seen the worst, it is traumatic to envision oneself going through the same thing.
There is a staffing shortage. The healthcare staff is tired and exhausted. The vaccine mandate is
divisive and controversial. How do you balance freedom of choice versus public health safety? In my honest opinion, it is necessary and maybe the only way we can get out of this torture.
Just a few days ago, I heard of a friend in the Philippines who died of Covid-19. When will this nightmare end?
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